Beyond

I used to look for them everywhere, the definitions that would help me understand all this. I figured that if I could understand it then living it wouldn’t feel so empty. I wanted to be that mysterious guru who would give you deep and mindrocking definitions of things like freedom and truth. I thought that that was what it ment to be Little Buddha, the closely enlightened. But now I have come to experience the limitations of the mind. It can be very usefull but only within those walls.

But now, now I am ready to move beyond those walls. To go beyond the mind and through existence. The time has come to experience love, freedom truth and life beyond definitions. To live every moment compleatly and get rid of that emptyness.

Love you beyond!

little B

breaking the window

There is a mountain outside my window

just like there was supposed to be.

Rivers,  vallies and sunburns

just like I pictured it. 

Men on the street turning their heads

wondering  faces and coconut trees.

I just never pictured the window.

Big big waterfalls

Have you ever  considered the beauty of a snail? I find that there is a lot of symbolisism in it. The shell has the shape of a spiral which is by many considered to be a symbol of eternity. And because of this person that I met that kept giving spirals to the people he loved, the spiral for me also represents love. Then there is also the fact that a snail is never in a hurry, never ruched. He knows that he will get there sooner or later so he peacefully carrys on the long walk. And the maybe most interesting part is that the snail is perfectly free carrying his home with him wherever he is going.

So there you have it, a free, peacefull, worryless, being who lives in the eternity of love. That is how I would like to experience myself. And so I shall unless if I wont.

Biting my nails

The other day I was sitting in one of all the round houses of the comunity listening to Chamalu as he spoke of the meaning of life and the thought struck me -how the hell did I end up here? Here is a small comunity in Cochabamba, Bolivia which is run by indiginous believes. It is a place where right now ten people from all over the world are living together runing an ecological farm and trying to keep the old truths alive. The place was founded and is ran by a shaman called Chamalu, a man who has written about 50 books speaking in a way that reminds me of Osho. Shortly put this place is amazing.

Here life is very simple. You get up in the morning and do some work on the farm, or in my case mostly in the kitchen, after lunch you spend about 2 hours watering the grass so that life here can continue. This is a place where the key word is freedom. Possesions do not excist here and the one thing people ask from you is to be yourself. And the people who live here are really cool too, and I now know enought spanish to actually feel like I’m part of what’s going on.

I guess how I ended up here is not as important as the facxt that I am here now. Travelling through Bolivia to Copacabana, meeting millions of Argetineas, out of which one looked just like the Che, getting seriously food posiond by some mysterious pasta and watching a man get robed on the street are now all things from the past. In the future I’m gonna go and by 25 oranges for less then a dollar and go back to the comunity to see where life takes me. But that’s in the future that is not relevant either. Right now in this present moment I am writing to you to let you know that no matter how it migth seem or where or when or what the truth still remains, I love you.

My new name

When things in life changes, transformes we tend to call them by different manes. A puppy becomes a dog, an egg becomes a hen or a cake depending on how you treat it This is why at this major change in my life, and in myself I have chosen to call myself by a new name. But there is one thing thought that is important to remember and that is that the building blocks are all the same they have just transformed into a new construction.

This is how Ilsa became Alis. But as this world works I found meself in want of a lastname as well. In search for it it became clear to me what a lastname is, it is the family name. So I decided to take the lastnames of some really important members of my family, pick one letter from each name and use these as my constructionblocks. Like this:

Matarasso, Alvarez, Rubio, Karpinen, Gashi, Adell, Kullenberg, Ferreira, Martinez, Ortega and sorry Eva but I dont know how to spell you last name…  Anyways the letters I got were: M A O I S V L L R T ‘  (I know that Ortega doesn’t have an ‘ but Ague can only ever be represented but that letter )

So in the end I got two names one swedish and one latino, Emarvìllos and Trollvimsà. And well the whole name is pronounsed Alise Marvìllos Trollvimsà. It is just spelled different for logics sake. The kind of logic I wat in life:)

So I guess that is the story of Alis Emarvìllos Trollvimsà, the person who I like to believe that I now am.

the future is bright and shiny

I beileve it was a month ago now, a month ago quiet precisly, since I started this journey to a place that can’t be found. It can not be found because it is not a place but a state of being. What that state of being that was? Well, I wanted to be true. To be who I really am and experience it, and in truth what we are all made of is something as simple as love. I wanted, and still want, to find true love. But love is only ever true if it is free. Therefore I needed to find a way to be free in order to find love. And that me friends, is the truth that we all seek isn’t it? Just love?

That is why I left. That is why I am still going. Right now there is no place where I find myself more free than on the road. Therefore that is where I will be for now. A vagabond running, looking for the God that is within. A bit contraditory i know But that is how I will ge to know God, I shall go wherever the wind takes me and I shall do so freely. And with the hope that one day I will come back and be able to love you in the way that I want to, freely, truly. That is my way. And it is beautiful.

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